Dead Flowers
It’s time for the fastest two minutes in sports. Not to be confused with the fastest two minutes in sex – which I like to call prom night. Or at least it was in my case. Hey, she had huge tits and like to talk dirty. So sue me. The field for the 135th running of […]
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
The 135th Kentucky Oaks will be run on Friday. The Grade 1 race is the ‘Kentucky Derby’ for the ladies. And by ladies, I mean fillies. It’s held annually the day before the Derby. But you already knew that. This year’s race will be televised on Bravo with coverage beginning at 5:00 PM ET. Shouldn’t it be […]
Saved By Zero
I think we found ground zero for the swine flu I watched Obama’s news conference tonight. I can’t understand how he spends ten minutes telling the world the US is no longer using enhanced interrogation techniques – but never mentions the war on terror. That’s what gets me about liberals. They’re perfectly fine with partial birth abortions. But God […]
Major Tom
 My new Palm Pilot Mr. O and I collaborated on my debut Country and Western album over the weekend. Here are the titles we’ve come up with so far: I Got a DUI on the Way to Get My IUD Hungover (and Horny) Get in the Truck, Bitch My Smart Phone is Stupid This Light Beer […]
Online
What a Medium looks like on an XL Sometimes when Chico is out of town, I put on his clothes and have pictures taken. Lil’ Chico Shirt [audio:lil_chico_shirt-001.mp3] I woke up this morning thinking I either have the swine flue, or just drank too much when Mr. O was in town. The smart money’s on the […]
Ramblin’ Man
Hey baby, want to taste my Johnsonville? It might be time for me to grow up. Last night, someone close to me said that I refuse to accept responsibility. “That’s not true,” I explained. “I just don’t like being obligated to do something.” “That’s the definition of responsibility.” “Oh.” Then I made another drink and turned on SportsCenter. And […]
Suddenly Last Summer
The cover came off the Melrose Place pool today. Check out the long hose. Drink – I said hose. Mr. O is coming into town tomorrow. I called him tonight with what I thought was a bit of good news. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â BENNY Hey, Chico’s out of town this weekend, so you can sleep in his […]