Get Down On It
There will be no cleaning update today because I didn’t clean a thing over the weekend. I’m not even sure I took a shower. We added another song title to my debut country album: I Make a Mess Every Time I Try to Clean Up. And by we, I mean Gina Party. You know you’ve got a good […]
Partytown
The Bedroom (after) A bunch of friends went to the racetrack tonight. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t go. I just checked the post times, and the fifth race is about to go off. That’s usually the time I start borrowing money. Look what Benny did today! Finished cleaning the bedroom Picked up empty beer […]
Behind Closed Doors
The Bedroom (before) This picture looks worse than it really is. Okay, that’s a lie. I’ve been living like a slob. But I believe people are capable of change, even when others might not agree. Let’s take today for example. I could have spent the day drinking cheap beers and chasing my money at the OTB. Instead, […]
One Step Ahead
Chico’s Closet (after) I was in a QuikTrip this morning, and saw two girls dressed in their Catholic school girl uniforms. My mind immediately went to that Britney Spears music video. For the love of everything Holy, I hope they were seniors. Look what Benny did today! Cleaned Chico’s closet Filled large box with clothes for […]
Bennie And The Jets
Chico’s Closet (before) The deadline for my transformation into a neat freak is Friday, May 15th. The Preakness is the next day, and I’m not about to spend it scrubbing a toilet. Look what Benny did today! Took out the trash Emptied the dishwasher Grilled a steak (over-cooked the MF’er) Cleaned up steak mess I’m a little […]
Dirty White Boy
Good-bye porn collection And by collection, I mean two VHS tapes. The other day my girlfriend politely asked me to quit living like a fucking pig. Not wanting to end our relationship, I eagerly agreed. Then I asked her to quit using profanity because it makes me cry. Since this is going to call for […]
Beautiful Loser
 The trainer of the 50-1 derby winner was a guy on crutches named Bennie. How did I not pick that horse? If you’ve ever been to the racetrack, you can usually tell the winners from the losers once the race is over. I remember being in Louisville on the first Saturday in May when a […]