There are four different types of break-ups:
- Abusive break-up
If this is you, quit reading the SOB, and turn yourself into the police. Douche bag. - Mutual break-ups
I don’t think these actually happen, but whatever. I think this means – We’re going to spend some time away from each other, but keep the door open for drunken sex. - You got dumped
I have no experience with this type, but I’ve heard it can happen. - You dumped them – and now you want them back
Who hasn’t been here before? You dumped their ass – and now you want some ass. To accomplish this you need to be very complimentary. And no, saying you miss the way they go down on you won’t work.
There’s a lot of different ways to handle break-ups. Some people just can’t let go. They spend hours leaving voice mails and sending messages. Sometimes these can be mean-spirited and contain profanity. That usually won’t work unless you’re ex is also a delusional psychopath.
Others prefer to simply move on. This has always been my MO. I like to think of myself as a gentleman – even if you count the peeing the bed part.
We had broken up for good just an hour before. Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah, aaah.