I heard comedian Henry Phillips on The Bob & Tom Show a few weeks back. He created his own sex act by using his hometown followed by his favorite candy.
Mine is the St. Louis Payday.
I’ve been trying to come up with the actual move itself. I think it’s going to involve doggie-style, the word “Pujols” and a wad of monopoly money.
Drink – I said wad.
I recently called a girl I was dating, but got her voice mail. I received the following text message a few minutes later:
I’m giving myself a facial and can’t move my mouth. I’ll call you later.
Talk about your softballs.
Seriously.
She called me later, alright – and wanted to know what was so fucking funny.
“You don’t know what a facial is?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s when you use a facial cream to deep cleanse your pores,” she replied. “It looks like you’re wearing a mask.”
“Google it.”
So…I’m single again.
Now, when I was just a little boy, standin’ to my Daddy’s knee. My poppa said, “Son, don’t let the man get you do what he done to me.”