Even The Losers

The holidays are a time for giving, and a time for forgiveness. I have a great way to reach out to that special person that did you wrong.

Buy a $100 gift card – preferably a Visa or Master Card – spend every single dime on the thing – and then send it in a card with a note.

“Sorry for the way I acted. I was totally out of line. Please enjoy a nice dinner on me. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Then sit back and wait for the douche to call.

I worked out again tonight. I had planned on getting up early, but something happened. I think it’s called the Snooze button.

But I plan on keeping it up.

I bet you do.

I was at a bar a couple of weeks ago with a girl. You know – the one whose carpet I puked on.

Anyway, we were having a nice time watching the Mizzou/KU game. Then she grabbed my bicep and said, “I’m going to start calling you SpongeBob SquarePants.”

Ouch.

Tonight I told her I was stopping by the hardware store because I needed to get a large hook.

“What do you need that for?” she asked.

“I need it for the bands I use when I’m working the pecs and traps.”

“Where are you going to hang it?”

“At the top of a wall.”

“Do you have a stud finder?”

“Yeah, it’s called a mirror.”

Baby, even the losers get lucky sometimes.