King’s infamous cooler – July 4, 2009
Damn, I thought I beat Tom. How many did he have? King’s writing got a little shaky late in the day. The best part was how he refused to put a tick mark on the cooler until the beer was popped.
Update: Tom’s count overlapped Maribeth’s. I knew he didn’t drink 37 beers.
I was busy this afternoon, so I didn’t get a chance to catch the asshole who stole my sandwich. The generic brand of laxative powder I bought was a little expensive. But I hope they shit themselves on their way home.
I played a similar prank on someone the summer before my sophomore year in high school. I had gone to the lake with the cross country team.
Yes, I used to be a runner. Why is that so hard to believe? I can still beat half of you going any distance over a mile.
Okay, that’s probably not going to happen.
Anyway, I was the only sophomore on the team. Jimmy J was a year older, and a nice enough guy – just a bit annoying at times.
Don’t start with me (ex)-girlfriend.
All he talked about the whole weekend was how he was turning 16 on Sunday. A bunch of us went into the town the night before. I bought a pack of Chicklets gum. I also bought some Feenamint laxative gum.
I knew Jimmy J would be asking for a piece. So I gave the Chicklets to the other guys, and then stuffed the box full of laxative.
After he begged for a few minutes, I finally handed the box to him. He emptied the whole thing. The instructions said to take 1-2 pieces. He took all eight.
I noticed him blowing bubbles around the campfire as we waited for the spaghetti dinner to cook. And I knew the fuse had been lit.
After we ate, he was talking to Coach about his prospects of making varsity. All of sudden his eyes got big, and he started running down the dirt path to the public restrooms.
Coach didn’t know what was happening, but the rest of us followed. Jimmy J stopped halfway, and exploded in the woods.
A few minutes later he managed to make it the rest of the way. I had removed all of the toilet paper, and we found him spread eagle in shower rinsing off.
He finished last in the time trials the next day.
Apparently, it’s difficult to run fast with your left hand trying to hold your butt cheeks together.
You probably noticed I’ve been adding videos at the end of each post the last couple of weeks. I mean, the post titles are songs, and I close with a few lyrics – so why not add a video of the song?
Well, I found them to be a little overwhelming to the overall experience. And I want my drunkenness and immaturity to really pop off the screen.
– Reasons why not to use Internet Explorer. This isn’t funny – just trying to help.
– I can see me using this word a lot. Thanks, Mr. O.
– Donnie Baker’s Tips to Skip School.
Are you worried what your friends see? Will it ruin your reputation lovin’ me?