Back When

 

I saw a couple of kids riding their bikes last weekend. Both were wearing helmets. One looked like he was ready for a motocross race.

We didn’t wear bike helmets when I was a kid. I don’t even think they made them back then. If they did, nobody I knew had one.

Shit, I remember building a takeoff and landing ramp. And then making Lil’ Bro and his buddy lay between them while I jumped over their dumb asses like I was Evil Knievel.

I only made three successful jumps before mom ran out and asked what the hell I was doing.

There really isn’t a good way to explain why you put your brother in harm’s way because it made you laugh.

That story reminded me of a few others from that era. 

One day, I got me and my two younger brothers kicked out of the YMCA day camp. Some little dweeb was crying, and I “allegedly” made the situation worse.

My parents were pissed because mom worked days, and dad worked nights.

So, we ended up being on our own during the day while he slept.

I was at the age where I was probably old enough to babysit the little turds. But age doesn’t always translate into maturity.

Really?

Here are a few highlights from that summer:

1. The Prank Call
   The police called my mom at work because I had been making prank calls to the bitch that kicked us out of day camp. I wish I had her number right now. 
2. The Toaster
   I convinced Middle Bro to keep pushing the toast down until it caught on fire. He used a glass of water to put it out. Thankfully, the glass didn’t touch the toaster.
3. The Suntan Lotion
   The three of us chased each other around the house playing “Suntan Lotion Tag”. Instead of using our hands, we shot suntan lotion out of the bottles. Unfortunately, some (and by some, I mean a lot) got on the new wallpaper. My parents garnished our allowances for a year.
4. The Snowfall
   Rainy days were the worst because we became bored pretty quickly. The only video game at our disposable was Pong. But one day we made our own fun by throwing flour into the air and pretended like it was snowing. We tried cleaning up the mess, but flour leaves a nasty residue on appliances. Boy, you learn something new every day.

– Whack-A-Kitty 

– I want that.

– A sad story from the world of sports.

– WTF is this? NSFW

– Reno 911! Lotto winner NSFW

Back when a screw was a screw. The wind was all that blew. And when you said I’m down with that. Well it meant you had the flu.