I started a new job today. That’s the good news. The bad news is that my work day starts at 7:30 A.M., and it’s about a 30-minute drive. So, if I intend on taking a shower and shaving everyday – which I do – I have to get up before six o’clock.
WTF?
Hey, I’m lucky to have a job in this economy, so I’m not going to complain. But I may have to take advantage of Obama’s economic stimulus plan, and apply for some of the welfare money he’s about to increase.
I did something this morning during training that I don’t remember ever doing – I nodded off for a brief second.
A co-worker was showing me how to do a couple of things in a software program, and I just fell asleep.
“I think you’re finger is stuck on the ‘1’ key,” she said.
I woke up to see ‘111111111111111111111111’ all over the computer screen.
“Yeah, I think there’s something wrong with this keyboard,” I told her.
Have you ever been watching the news with your girlfriend and the weatherman says to expect four inches tonight and another 5 tomorrow – and then asked her if she wanted to get all 9 inches tonight?
Me neither.
Joke
“Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”
“Yes, what can I do for you?”
“I’m calling to report ’bout my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.
“Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep!”
“Happy Birthday, buddy.”
– Thanks, Lisa F.
There was a story on the news tonight about a new study on drinking. The report said that heavy drinking can take 10-15 years off of your life.
It’s been nice knowing you.
She says it’s cold outside, and she hands me my raincoat. She’s always worried about things like that.