Well 2009 got off to a great start – I puked on Gina Party’s floor in the guest bedroom after her New Year’s Eve party. And for those of you that don’t know GP very well, she gets absolutely disgusted with vomit or anything having to do with vomit.
Here’s a brief recap from one of my first conversations of the year:
(Benny walks into to Gina’s bedroom and finds her asleep)
         BENNY
(Whispers) Hey, Gina.         GINA PARTY
WTF do you want?         BENNY
Where’s your rug shampooer?         GINA PARTY
Why?         BENNY
No reason.         GINA PARTY
WTF did you do?         BENNY
Nothing.(Gina sends Tom B. on a reconnaissance mission to the guest bedroom)
         TOM B.
Oh my God!         GINA PARTY
(Screaming from her bedroom) WTF did he do?         TOM B.
You don’t want to know.         GINA PARTY
Did he pee the bed?         TOM B.
It’s worse than that.         GINA PARTY
WTF can be worse than that?         TOM B.
He yakked all over the carpet.         GINA PARTY
Clean it up, Benny! And I better not be able to smell anything!         BENNY
Alright. Do you mind if I get something to eat first? Those little wieners you wrapped in bacon were awesome.         GINA PARTY
No! Clean up that disgusting mess and you can get something to eat on your way home!         BENNY
Alright. But you don’t have to yell.
Today is Crowe Dog’s birthday.
Some interesting things you may not know about Crowe Dog:
– 1995 Prom King
-Â Graduated from a Baptist college (Don’t judge)Â
– Was a contestant on elimiDATE
– Spends 30 minutes on his hair before going out
– Favorite band is New Kids on the Block
– Survives by eating off the dollar menu at McDonalds
– Brought a girl back to Tom d G’s house one night and told her it was his place – “Hey, he has a two-car garage and I have a car port. I wanted to impress her.”
– Routinely wears a Spartans cheerleader outfit (SNL) to the pool
– Bought a pair of white flip-flops before a guys’ trip to Vegas
– Called me the minute he heard Lance Bass was gay and said, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance.”
Hallelujah!
I remember my first beer…