Watching The Wheels

 

In 2001, I entered a contest put on by a local television station. The station had just acquired the rights to show reruns of Seinfeld, and the contest rules were simple – send a video tape of yourself reenacting a scene from the show, choosing the character you resemble most.

I reenacted the scene where George explains to Jerry that he got a massage from a man, and thinks it moved.

On April 24th, I received a call from the news anchor of the morning show. He said they were having a few of the contestants in the studio the following morning, and asked if I could make it. After I was assured there wouldn’t be any nudity involved, I agreed.

When I arrived, the security guard knew my name. I thought that was odd. He took me to the anchor’s office, who was on the air, and turned off the television. A few minutes later, a producer walked in to explain that she would be taking me to the studio shortly, but needed to put a microphone on me first. 

I suddenly realized there weren’t any other contestants present. They were going to give me the car on live television. I called everyone I could in the few minutes I had.

They handed me the keys to the new car, a Kia Rio, and I guess my on-air reaction was less enthusiastic than they had anticipated. When I walked out of the studio, the producer said, “You know, you could have shown a little more excitement.”

“It’s a Kia Rio. What did you want me to do – jump up and down and fart rainbows?” I asked.

She walked away, and I made some calls to make sure someone had hit the record button on their VCR. I still have the tape. Maybe some weekend when I’m not drinking myself into oblivion, I’ll convert the tape to digital format, and upload it to the SOB.

I sold the car a few weeks later to a Kia dealer. He had answered the ad I put in the paper – For Sale: 2001 Kia Rio, brand new, tunes and cubes, knee-deep in rubber.

This Day in Benny History

1995: PM – 20 min. Stairmaster, sit-ups

1996: Lunch – YMCA 100 sit-ups, 20 min. Stairmaster, 1 circuit at 15 ea, 5 min. walk on track

1998: Bet ponies at Delmar simulcast facility in San Diego

2000: Lunch – YMCA 24 min. bike, 2 circuits 12/10

2001: Won new car on television for Seinfeld Wanna Be Contest (Constanza)

2002: Played golf

2003: Grilled at G-Man’s (night before the Kelly golf tourney)

2006: 3 Circuits, 50 min. bike

2007: PM – 3 mi. walk/jog

People say I’m lazy, dreaming my life away.