Boat Drinks

 

There’s a time and place for everything. Well almost everything. Yesterday I was at a business luncheon in Frontenac, an upscale suburb of the Lou. Yippie-Kay-Yay…

I took a seat at a table with a young, black professional woman to my left and a 60-something male college professor to my right. They were discussing cataracts when I sat down, but the professor quickly turned the conversation to the $4k prostitute the now ex-governor of New York was caught banging. Awkward.

Thankfully, the seats the young lady was saving were quickly filled by her friends. But I was then forced into a one-on-one conversation with the professor.

He started talking about the recent foot of snow we received. He explained that he was unable to shovel his driveway, so he paid someone $40 to do the job. “Where do you live?” I asked.

He loudly replied, “I live about two miles west of here – in the ghetto! You know, the hood! The slums of Town & Country…!”

I wanted to crawl under the table, but turned my attention to the iced-tea that had just been placed in front of me. My best guess is the ghetto comment was some kind of running joke between him and his well-to-do buddies. But this wasn’t the tee box on the 18th hole at the country club.

The funny thing is that he and I would probably laugh our asses off over a couple of martinis.

Stupidity Tax Offense: Justifying your smoking habit by saying, “Hey, I could get hit by a car tomorrow while crossing the street.” – Cha Ching! $10.

Have you ever told a few people that you were expecting out of town guests for the weekend, been asked where they were staying, replied, “My house,” and then heard, “Is there a dry place for them to sleep?”

Me neither.

– Remember ladies, March 14th is Steak and BJ Day.

– Security camera catches drunk guy pissing on the sidewalk while walking.

– College students down a 100 person beer bong.

– How would you like to be married to the Queen of Farts? Feel free to read her journal. NSFW

This morning I shot six holes in my freezer. I think I got cabin fever. Somebody sound the alarm.