I made it back from KC on the train yesterday in a mere 8 hours and 45 minutes. More on that later…
On Friday, I decided to get some sushi before I boarded the train. Seated inside the restaurant, I noticed a group of teenage girls staring at me from their booth. As I grabbed a piece of yellowfin tuna with my chopsticks, one of them walked up and asked, “Are you someone famous?”
“Not yet,” I replied.
I should have said, “You ever watch the Price is Right, bitch?”
But I finished my meal, and headed over to the station.
I brought a few airplane bottles of Jim Beam onboard for the ride. And by a few, I mean six. I refuse to pay $4 for a lukewarm beer, so I opted for two cans of Diet Pepsi at $1.75 each instead. Diet Pepsi is a perfect low-carb mixer with Jimmy.
The chick sitting across the aisle from me provided a new Stupidity Tax Offense – Being over the age of ten, and making loud popping noises with your gum. – Cha Ching! $10.
Most of the weekend was spent with the family. We had a wedding on Saturday, and the reception was Chickie Poo’s first time to meet the extended relatives. At one point, my Aunt walked up to her and said, “Oh, it’s so nice to meet you. We’ve been over at our table wondering if that was you.
I jumped in and said, “That shouldn’t make her nervous.”
Chickie Poo and I left around 8:00, and thought it would be a good idea to see a movie. We watched a piece of sh*t flick called Michael Clayton. Boring. The only thing that kept me awake during the stupid thing was being pissed off after paying $15 for a bag of popcorn and two sodas.
Lil’ Bro took me and his family to Worlds of Fun on Sunday. I’ve never seen the little guy so excited when a stranger handed us four free passes at the entrance to the amusement park.
Late in day, I rode the Spinning Dragon with him, my oldest niece and nephew. The ride is a roller coaster in which the car you are riding spins in circles. When it was over, my nephew proclaimed, “That was the best 20 seconds of my life.”
“Wait until you get older,” I told him.
Lil’ Bro just buried his head in his hands. Most likely thinking about his prom night.
And now for the ride home. The train left KC on time at 7:30 AM. I arrived in St. Louis at 4:15. At one point, we sat motionless on the track for two hours waiting for several freight trains to pass. This was just one of many stops we made during the day waiting for freight trains to pass. I’ve decided the next time I go to KC, I’m going to hop a freight train. They seem to get there a lot faster than Amtrak.
After almost nine hours, I was ready to get off that stupid thing. If you’re a Seinfeld fan, this is what I looked like as the train arrived at the station.
Well blow your whistle freight train. Carry me far on down the track. Well I’m going away, I’m leaving today. I’m goin’, but I ain’t comin’ back.
Benny