New Sensations

After a four-day holiday weekend, I’ve decided to write about one of the days in particular – Thanksgiving.

First, I apologize to everyone I tailgated with at Arrowhead Stadium.  I took a lot of pictures, and promised they would be added to the website.  Unfortunately, Daddy got drunk and lost the memory card in his camera so the pictures gone.  F–!

Thanksgiving Day began like most others.  I got together with the family, and enjoyed a satisfying meal.  This year, we ate a little earlier because of the Chiefs game later that night.

I got to Arrowhead at 3:00 for the 7:00 kick-off.  With a four-hour window, you would think I would pace my drinking, but this wasn’t the case.  After we parked, I drank a few beers with Lil’ Bro, CR, Shelly, but left at 4:30 to meet some other friends. 

Once there, I partied with some folks from out of state.  Jana B. was surprised when she realized that I was the guy who writes this stupid sh-t.  In fact, she had me call one of her co-workers, Sheri, because they are regular readers of The Summer of Benny.  Sheri wanted to know what was up with Dani-girl getting a boob job.  I love it.

After tailgating for 3 1/2 hours, I made my way into Arrowhead.  The first half of the game was uneventful, but all hell broke loose in the second half.  It’s amazing how courageous one becomes after drinking.  And by one, I mean me. 

I took it upon myself to stop guys from sneaking into the men’s room through the out door.  Why?  Because I was sick of standing in line, only to watch cheating dickheads circumvent the system.  I could have pissed over an eight-rail fence, but that didn’t mean I should cut in line.

This hall monitor attitude almost got my ass kicked on several occasions.  Luckily, there were a couple of muscle heads waiting in line that came over to help when situations called for it.  I stopped a dozen or so douche bags from entering, and returned to my seat to a standing ovation from the guys still in line.

Midway through the fourth quarter, I lost my balance and fell face first down the stairs next to my aisle seat.  I looked up at little Bro who hadn’t budged, but luckily a stranger helped me back to my feet.  This would’ve probably embarrassed most people, but I took it as another day in the life. 

A few minutes later, a lesbian sucker punched the guy standing in the row in front of me, and I broke up the fight.  The guy had apparently stolen a Trent Green sign that she and her lover had made.  Why are lesbians making Trent Green signs, anyway?  I left when the cops showed.  The Chiefs had just won the game, and I was in no shape to deal with the Po Po.

I passed out as soon as I reached little Bro’s house.  Subconsciously, I must have been mad at him for not helping me up after my fall, because I puked on his sofa in my sleep.  My sister-in-law walked through the living room at 5:30 AM on her way to go shopping.  She later said that she noticed a horrible smell, but thought it was just my feet. 

I don’t like guilt be it stoned or stupid.  Drunk and disorderly I ain’t no cupid.  Two years ago today I was arrested on Christmas Eve.

Benny